Birthdays & Confidence
Birthdays are inevitable. Confidence around aging is quite uncommon. Confidence is a product of (1) doing the right things, (2) staying at it over the long haul, and (3) having a deep sense of self-trust.
You might rightly ask (in a whiney tone;) ) “But how can i know the right things when it seems like they’re constantly changing?” And you would have a point. Knowledge is expanding at such a fast rate it can be hard to keep up with. But here is what I would suggest. You take the very best steps you can at any given time, and when you find out differently, you are willing to change course. In other words, keep an open learning mind and don’t get rigid in your beliefs. Rigid (anywhere) is a death knell. Youth is never rigid, in case you had forgotten.
With that said, there are some ‘hard and fasts’ and eternal yeses in the health choice arena.
Okay. So there are many other things to ‘figure out’. Is dairy good or bad for you? Should we fast more than ___ hours? Which supplements are bioavailable? To hormone replace or not? No more cardio? Does my body have a problem with oxalates? Is my iron-magnesium-copper balance off? Does my gut prefer pro, pre, or post biotics? Blah blah blah. All good questions, but they can overwhelm the best of us. Focus on what you DO know.
And stay at it. Stay at it to the best you can day after ay after day. Each day make more good choices than bad ones. When you feel weak and needy, find better and better ways of solving THAT.
I really believe this is my secret: Just keep making more and more good choices through the years. Each day I try and make one more good choice than I did yesterday. And some days I just blow it all. But the very next day I get up and dust myself off and do better.
Finally and most importantly. If you remember anything remember this:
Confidence will never show up with the perfect body, ideal weight, good hair or perfect clothes (and I’m not against any of those). You’ve heard it before, you know it, but here it is again…
It’s an inside job. And it comes from being brave enough to try, to invest, to fail, to keep trying, to unequivocally decide not to criticize yourself. Be brave enough to stand naked, smile, and love every inch, no matter what form it takes.
Self kindness, self compassion, positive self talk and thought, self support, self inquiry…yes I know, a lot of ‘self’s’ but the turning AGAINST oneself is where it all fell apart in the beginning. I hear this talked about a lot these days and criticized by some, loved by others. But the inner critic is real and deadly and this turning to self has no roots in self exaltation or absorption or ego. It is simply the decision NOT to continue being an enemy of the past or present you. It is about going forward to be the best you can without shame or regret.
Happy Birthday Dearest…whenever that comes this year.
If you are doing the right things, as steadily as you can, and shedding the old stories of failure and shame you can come to the party with confidence.