And…the end of an Era
I’ve been missing my email peeps. I haven’t written a blog OR sent an email in quite a while. Well, my world has been shaking. You all were on my mind, but as if you were through a far cloudy tunnel and I couldn’t get there. After 33 years solid (no breaks!) I am now officially not mothering in house. I have, of course, seen it coming, and frankly didn’t know what to feel about it. It felt surreal, sacred, and unspeakable. The enormity of those 33 years…the investment, the love, the outcome, the freaking TASK of it all was and is too big to wrap my mind around. I have not had any bravado about thinking it would be ‘no big deal’ I couldn’t imagine what/how I would feel.
So this little lady that I took as my own on the opposite side of the world moved out to college. She, the youngest, left me with the sweetest taste in my mouth about mothering. She was easy, laid back, agreeable, silly sometimes and a quiet homebody at others. I could’ve existed happily in the same house with her forever. It’s not always like that is it? Some of them leave in a storm of emotion and fatigue and they are just as bright souls as the easy ones. They teach us the most. But God knew, oh yes, that I needed this calm, peaceful exit to this Era. You see, I am strong, and valiant, and determined and good, but I am tired. It is a good happy wiped out tired, kind of like after a successful triathlon.
My son and I just before an Ironman…the day I passed the baton to him and he beat me fair and square in a massive race of endurance and strength.
There are three stages to a woman’s life.
Have you heard of them? it helped me to see it this way and to understand.
The Virgin
The Full Bellied Mother
The Wise Woman
I believe each transition to a new stage is a time of major growth but it also feels like instability and chaos. Because Phase 2 is a large percentage of our adult life, and so all encompassing as far as identity, many women cling to phase 2 when they should be freely moving into phase 3. These women experience way more suffering when their adult children leave. They are still deeply within the world’s of their offspring and forming most of their plans around what their grown kids are doing, if they’re calling, when they’re coming to visit, etc. While this feels loving, and normal, it is not healthy for their children (adults now) nor them.
I believe it ages women much faster to stay rooted in the past and not engage in some new endeavor requiring new skills, personal growth and exploration, and stepping out of their comfort zone.
Perhaps these new skills involve fully releasing your beautiful treasures to soar, crash, burn, rise again, learn their lessons…just as you did? There is freedom (even though some tears also) in doing that. AND if women are able to be brave and wise enough to do that, the relationships change in a beautiful healthy way.
My beloved crew about to participate in an annual challenge I create for us. Making new memories!
SO…. I have been quite surprised by what I have felt this past week.
I immediately got an infection (I NEVER get sick), got over that and then have been just wanting to sleep when I can (also VERY VERY unlike me). It is like my body had held out for decades and when it got the message that the finish line was crossed it said, “Whew!! I’m laying down now!” I had imagined all sorts of emotions but not that. Tasks, obligations that were normal for me I just felt zero need to pay attention to. (Hence, the email/blog gap). I truly didn’t care. I was taking a break for a minute and if you don’t like it you can jump in the lake…ha!
These…are the feathers from my nest. And they are the FINEST I have ever met. Without exception my friends of choice.
So…why does this matter? I’d like for you to find the stage you’re in. What’s going on inside you? Do you have any dreams for stage 3? Anything you’ve always been curious about, or a passion to make a difference somewhere? It will take bravery to change your entire gig up and reinvent yourself after pouring all you have into mothering.
If I could give you a standing ovation I would.
But that isn’t often the case is it? The finish line is oddly quiet and empty. We finish something enormous that took all we had and its just us there at the finish line, covered in sweat, a battered body, a face streaked with dirt (some blood?) and we wonder about the anti-climactic nature of that finish line.
Listen my love, YOU GIVE YOURSELF THAT STANDING O.
You mark that finish line with deep honor and respect and some f-ing loud applause.
And then? And then… you take a wee break, gather your wits about you and you enter Stage 3 as a rookie.
I know, I know…not a rookie again ;/
But yes…a beginner is where you start in phase 3. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. And prepare to have the time of your life.
How to start?
You get to know yourself again. What do you like? What feels important to you? What are your passions? If you’re unsure, you begin just exploring and trying new things. Do you want to start a business? Make something? Write a book? Mentor underprivileged children? See new places? Help a certain population? Learn a new language? Explore…Journal…Ask yourself hard questions…Rest and go at it again.
But, beware… this is prime time to guard/support and clean up your own physical health. Don’t just let old habits stay and keep you on the same treadmill, or you’ll find yourself without the strength or clarity to carry out this phase fully. Tsk Tsk…that’ll never do! Onward into the future with STRENGTH and RESILIENCE.
One more because I can’t help myself…XO!!
