When Your ‘Kids’ Aren’t Kids Anymore

All of us including a spouse and 2 grand-lassies PYRAMID-style circa 2022

I have six children. Let’s just begin there. Ha! While you take a second to wrap your mind around that let me say it was the hardest thing I ever did, BY FAR. At the same time it was the most fun, the most wild ride, the most exhausting, and at this point absolutely the most rewarding.

When I left my marriage, now about 8 -9 years ago, I remember the feeling of burning the house down with my children inside it. A brutal choice that no parent ever expects to make, right? There seemed to be no smooth, good way to walk that bridge and I made many mistakes. However, about a year or two after I made a decision that I think you might be able to apply or use in some format.

We were in a whole new house, nothing made sense much, and I knew I had to create a NEW thing…we couldn’t stay huddling on the couch, twitching and clinging to each other forever. I decided we needed some new memories of this new life and that it was up to me to begin creating those. Among other smaller things, I decided to have a giant party of sorts once per year for any current, future children or grandchildren that cared to come. I planned it very intentionally. This gathering was to be one of a kind.

1) I was going to pay for all of it (yikes right?) including their travel expenses.

2) We were going to name it so it became a “Thing.” (By the way this was done through a contest i created with a prize etc.) The name became, and is now affectionately referred to as “Operation Avocado:. It’s one of the first things the babies say when they learn to speak ;)

3) We divided naturally and evenly into 2 blood types (A+ and O+) so these became our two teams for the (of course) interesting annual challenges.

4) Everyone gets to do exactly what they want at Op Avo. There are no rules. I do not want to be the parent there. I want to be their friend. So nothing is mandatory, no one is guilted or criticized if they want to sleep all day, eat all day, or shop all day (or whatever.) (This may seem natural but we are a very active and competitive family and in our case this was a necessary formatting.

5. There were going to be new unexpected, never done, EVER, experiences each year. (Yes I have fun coming up with this craziness!)

6. We would have annual geeky t-shirts and avocado swag.

7. Guacamole en masse would always be on the menu.

8. I would be clear each year on what I was providing food wise and money wise and they were free to stick to that or do their own thing.

9. Most of all, I wanted each to feel welcome but not pressed by this as an obligation. (My secret weapon was to try and make it so fun that they’d really WANT to be there.)

The Grill night out

I will not tell you it has been perfect. But I knew and felt sure “If you build it they will come.” We have grown closer and bonded in a new way as adults. And yes we have new memories of this new life.

The Female cohort of my tribe…and yes they are changing the world.

Why do I tell this story here? I want to give you courage to believe you can create a new way of living with your grown children. It IS your choice. I see many carrying on tasks and responsibilities that they feel resentful of but do not have the courage to stop. You get to come up with an idea that works for this new phase of your life. Do you have the confidence to do that? I have more fun with these adults (and wee ones) in this picture than i EVER DREAMED POSSIBLE. But I could be tired, over-spent, resentful, anxious about all of everyone’s decisions. That is also a choice I could have made and made myself sick in the process. I don’t think we’re meant to keep parenting in the same way AFTER our kids have become adults.

Yes I’m a grandma and I can do what I want. (Pretty sure this ice cream was 5 minutes before dinner.)

What happens at Op Avo stays at Op Avo. (and If I knew how to make this image smaller so as not to gross you out I would…but I don’t!)

It’s your turn now…what will you make? What will your gig look like?

PS: I know you’re desperately wondering what the challenges are each year;). We have had an urban treasure hunt, an unusual triathlon that took us down a mountain, up a river, and into an outdoor mall. There was a sandcastle building contest, a beach obstacle course…that gives you some ideas to go on.

XO-

Lisa