Shopping is a SKILL
How are your shopping skills?
Most, not all, women like to shop….
Not all the women who LIKE to shop actually feel they are GOOD shoppers however. Many end up at home with things they don’t use on the regular, and often are disappointed they wasted their money on. I think many of us women look at our closets and realize we have a lot of things that don’t get worn a lot and don’t, in the end, give us a lot of pleasure.
I’m usually a pretty careful shopper but I definitely have used “retail” as therapy and rolled my eyes at myself later.
For a moment I want you to think about a favorite purchase. Think about a purchase that you felt SO lucky to be able to buy, and were thrilled out of your mind. When you wear it you feel stylish, confident, in control and on your game. You literally wear the item out because as soon as it comes out of the wash you’re reaching for it again.
Where am I going with this? Well other than the obvious…(It’s fun to talk about shopping!) I have noticed something in my life lately. I have let sloppy “shopping habits” slide me into a generalized “Blah” about life.
We not only shop for items to purchase in a store or online (clothing, cars, products, jewelry, shoes, etc) but we shop for how we want our lives to look/feel/be.
Let me explain.
First: Often we take what life seems to “give us” without questioning if it is what we would actually choose. So, just like closet build up, we can end up feeling cluttered, dissatisfied, overly busy tending to all of this ‘stuff’ we own, and far FAR from that happy feeling we get after a killer, spot-on purchase.
Second: What we purchased a year ago or 5, 10, 15 years ago, that was great for us then, may no longer be something we would choose again. Again, the result? A life experience that feels heavy, no fun, not free, burdened, and often overwhelming.
We get quite stuck with the ‘old stuff’ in the name of being a responsible adult. I believe this bleeds into all areas of our lives. In the end it ends up feeling like a life controlled by circumstances rather than our choices. It’s a rare few who are willing to just scrap the old and start fresh, whether this be in the closet, the house, living location, job, relationship, hobbies, etc.
Problem One However…
Most of us aren’t even sure what it is we really do LOVE. We are so used to settling for what is dealt us, we’ve lost touch with our own joy radar.
If you’ve let the old clutter build chances are you can’t imagine the freedom of anything different, and likely have limited belief it is possible.
A week or so ago, I realized I had let this practice slip and go on auto-pilot (which we know rarely is effective). I couldn’t figure out why the giant feeling of discontentment had subtly but for sure settled on me. That is a quite rare feeling for me. I realized I wasn’t even sure how I did want my life to look. I hadn’t identified that clearly for a while and it had all gotten hazy. So I made a plan to notice and add to a giant list every single thing that really lit me up and felt amazing. This list includes everything from, air temperatures, my clothing, colors, how I spend my time, how much discretionary time I have, what I do for a living, who I spend time with, what I say yes or no to, my furniture, ALL of it. After all, in order to create something better, we must first identify what better is. What great is. What amazing is.
The bottom line is our lives, our bodies, our habits, our style, and I believe our contentment scale can look very different if we are willing to evaluate, get clear, keep only what we would choose.
I get ‘reach out’s via my contact form on my website regularly. When I respond to schedule a free consult (90% of the time) the person goes silent and doesn’t respond. This is a sign that they wish for help but are afraid, in the end, to actually explore that option. It makes me sad for them. They have not allowed themselves even the possibility of something brand new, or to ask questions about it.
What if you dared to deeply crystalize and define what would be an incredibly fulfilling joyful life for you? How would it look optimally? Would you be busier? Less busy? More or less social? Healthier? Would you live where you live? Would you arrange your furniture as it is now? If you dared… and then began slowly intending to head THERE…wow. Just wow. I intend to do just this. I don’t know how my business will look in the outcome. It may change. It may go away. It may grow. I just don’t know yet. But I am heading there.
P.S. I wrote this blog a month ago and am editing it now. I can truly promise you that the steps I took to do a little intentional shopping made all the difference. My life feels content, super grateful, exciting, hopeful, fulfilling and rich.
2 additional thoughts:
~Marie Kondo “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up”, tells us to look at each item we possess and ask, “Does it spark joy?” I might add, “Would you absolutely choose this again right now?” In addition, she has you pile your possessions all in a heap so you can actually SEE how much baggage (my term) you are schlepping around. Most everyone is shocked and appalled by what they’ve accumulated that they didn’t even remember they had.
~I have a dear girlfriend who about every 7 years decides she wants to move and just start over brand new. My “wise prudent’ inner self wants to be critical of that and say it’s wasteful but the truth? SHE HAS THE SECRET. She doesn’t keep things, places, and people out of just obligation to the past pattern. She decides anew every day, every year…is this still serving me??
Food for thought from 2 geniuses. J